i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
