it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
