she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He felt like a one man threesome
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
