Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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