I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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