does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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