am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
