I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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