My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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