I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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