one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can you bring me the toilet please
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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