If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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