her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
