I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You've changed since you got that strap on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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