Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
