How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
