My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
