so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
