you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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