his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
