I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
