We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
