can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
