I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
