Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
