The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
