He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are we still banned from the library?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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