Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
