I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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