I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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