...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
