I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
