I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
