I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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