my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
