My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
