After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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