My liver just broke up with me...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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