Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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