i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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