There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
