There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
