More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
