i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
