Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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