Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
