TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
