Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
