I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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