yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm really busy with my period
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