talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
