i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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