If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
