Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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