apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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