The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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