then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
