so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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