As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
