i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My balls are so social today.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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