i would punch a child for taco bell
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
