I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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