So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
