I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
