i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
