we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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