Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
