life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize