Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
