see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
