Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
