Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
