I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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