angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
