She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
