At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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