have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
