Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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