Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
