did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
