I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
