Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
